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Tuesday, 14 July 2009

  • don't forget to look at my post below! thinspo!

    Morning

    apple (80 cals prob less but hey) counts.....  0 cals                                                             

    3 bites of doughnut 30 cals (the three year old again errrrr...  she didn't want to finish it and handed it to me to watch me eat)

    5 swallows of coffee

    16 oz water

    Afternoon

    4 boiled eggs 72 cals

    2 bites of mac and cheese 10 cals

    As of this point I am not happy at all with my intake.  It should not included even a bite of doughnut and not even the smallest noodle.

    (how do i make it so it's not double space like that

    16 oz water

    1 small strawberry 2 cals, 1 med strawberry 4 cals, 1 large strawberry 6 cals total 12 cals, 10 blueberries 7cals, 3 cherries 12 cals.. (total would be 31 cals).......  0 cals

    16 oz water

    edit....

    If anyone also has a myspace let me know.  I'd love to add you on mine!!

    edit.........

    salad with banana peppers and pickles, ranch dressing 140 cals

    10 tortilla chips 70 cals

    and now here we go

    4,600 mg ibuprofen which I am struggling to make myself stop

    and I will finish the rest after this binge..  so far  snickers bar 250 cals and working on a hersheys symphoney 800 cals......  if i keep going i'm sure ice cream will be in the picture and maybe another snickers......  i'm planning to take maybe 30 laxitives maybe 15.....  we'll see.......  and i still want ibuprofen.

     

    i stopped at the snicker and symphoney.....  and took 15 laxitives and anoter 400mg ibuprofen....... i don't know how i am going to stop...........

    edit..

    now in all i have had 6000 mg of ibuprofen.......  and i ate a huge bowl of icecream and tons of tortilla chips and cheese dip.. i still want more ibuprofen and i'm keeping myself away from laxitives

    and even with all that food i am still hungry and keep wanting to eat more...... 

    now no one on here can't say i didn't fail majorly and that i'm not a failure!

  • The first thing I want to say is.........

    FAT!!  Disqusting....... 

     

    I want to see my..........

     

    I need to.......

     

    To bad anyone would even try!!

    I'll be back later most likely!  I could post thinspo forever and ever!!

     

    edit.....

    this pic is sweet!!!

    6b4pwnb

Monday, 13 July 2009

  •   haha!!!  ok so thinspo will come i promise!!!  I'm a little distracted and the printer isn't cooperating with me.

    You know what I just did the most horrible thing.  I'm saying things on the computer in a folder and keeping ones that have recovery quotes.  Which is really what I should be doing now.  Yet the thinspo I will save and take my my little account I have to save pictures in.  That's so horrible and dishonest.  I guess I don't want them to realize how intense this has got.  And besdies it's not like I never think about recovery or am anti recovery or anything like that.  I just am well yeah. 

    thinkthin.jpg think thin image by bettybooyaw38442200.jpg she is thin i know, but is it just me or is she kind of pudgy on her stomach? am i being too critical?!..( yeah, i think so considering my stomach)............ to me it looks like she is slightly bloated lol image by wc_biatch

    Just something I thought was funny!!  I hope you all think it is funny too!!

    ellenquote02.jpg size zero image by megncali

     

    edit...

    trying to eat 8 mini carmel rice cakes slowly to take up time and make sure a binge doesn't happen.  Or that I don't give in to something I know I will want to purge.  I hope this works!!

  • challange question for the week

    This is suppose to be answered in something like a couple paragraph's or so and I don't see that happening but whatever.......  so the listed questions are

     

    What are your favorite things to binge on, whether it be drinks, food, etc.
    What makes you so attracted to that/why is it so appealing to you?
    Why should you not binge on it?
    What are triggers that you find that make you binge?
    How do you keep yourself from binging?

    It's not that there is really anything that is my favorite to binge on yet there are things I am more likely to binge on.  I'd rather not be the weak fatty that choses to binge and I never really did binge until recently.  I actually had thoughts like it while eating and maybe did it a few times before yet to say favorite would make it sound as if I like binging.  So I will say a food that I am most likely to binge on is ice cream and a lot of times something that is carbs.  Yet, I will stick with ice cream for this.

    I just really love ice cream and when I allow myself to have it, I seem so out of control.  I will not say it is appealing as far as a binge way at all.  I just like ice cream a lot and at times seem to lose control.  It is not ok for me to binge, period, yet what makes this worse is all the sugar and such in the ice cream. 

    I can't say that there are things I can point out as a trigger.  I mean sometimes it can be me seeing every one around me eating things after thing and then they get that bowl of ice cream or something else that causes me to think of ice cream and there I am falling weak.  I don't know that it is always just ice cream I would binge on in the moment yet other things I am sure go along with it.  It may not be like I even had it all at one time yet speratic through out the day in this uncontrolable way just like a binge would be.  I must remind myself in these times when binges are possible that I am stronger then food. 

     

    I'm so annoyed and I'm trying not to let it seem that way as I write this.  Sorry if it seems like I'm being short.  And sorry I didn't do it all proper and crap.  I hate not being proper, yet when am I really ever proper on here often I don't even use caps.......... 

     

    bye the way..... it's not to late for you to join......  go to my subsciptions and select Challange_You

    Something I am also going to try is in my journal i have for this is printing something thinspo and putting it on the page with my weigh in for the weak...  then I have it there. 

     

    this is my picture for the week to go in my journal!

    z45809888.jpg Pro ana image by Shaggykitten

  • hey all

    Thanks to the few of you that commented with encouragement and support as I struggled so much last night.  It was the first time in prob like 2 years that I burned.  And I didn't cut I just stared at the knife as my heart began to just about pound out of my chest.  So much last night as it was going on seemed so surreal.

    This morning I am extreamly dizzy and have a headache which I think will fade.  I wish I could just get myself to go back to sleep.  Atleast my heart is better then the other morning it's 49......  But I'm prob more light headed and dizzy then I was then. 

    I'll write more later I'm sure.